Moms Need A Dang Break

Moms need a dang break, but that doesn’t mean you’re broken. Moms are simply maxed out emotionally, mentally, and physically and that’s both normal and needs some change.

Motherhood is simply one of the hardest things to do in this life. It’s not just because of the tantrums or teenage battles but it’s the overall mental load.

This is not to say that fatherhood is not also difficult, because it absolutely is, but motherhood is a different journey. Moms literally have a different hormone and DNA makeup that connect us to our kids and scientists have even found children’s cells living in their mother’s brain!! What?!

As a licensed therapist who works with so many mothers I can tell you that the one thing we all have in common is the level of intensity that we feel love and connection to our kids runs through our bodies and impacts every part of us. It connects us to them, and in the most primal sense, we are on guard to protect them and make sure that they are ok.

And here’s the piece we need others to understand. We. Cannot. Turn. It. Off.

The link between a mother and child is profound, and new research suggests a physical connection even deeper than anyone thought.

Robert Martone – Scientific American

This is the mental load that we keep hearing everyone talking about for moms. Moms need a dang break!

Not because we CAN’T handle it. We can, and we will.

But because our lives and our “village” don’t look the same as generations before us. There is no 3 generations living together giving each other relief.

What can we do about it so you don’t feel like melting down or exploding

First of all, we need to talk about it. No one should ever have to feel like they are suffering alone. But I promise, mama, you are 100% not alone and I want you to hear that deep into your soul. Here’s my list of things to do for moms that needs a break.

Moms Need A Dang Break so…Speak It & Ask For Your Need

Name how you are feeling and be really clear with what you need. Avoid criticizing or blaming when it comes to your spouse/partner (that only creates other issues). It might sound like, “I’m overstimulated and tired and I’m probably going to snap at someone. I want to avoid that and really need 15 minutes to go breathe by myself. I need you to take over, can you do that?”

Or it might sound like, “I’m having a week that I feel really burnt out and like I’m failing as a mom because I’m so irritable. I realized I haven’t been out of the house kid free in weeks. I need to plan something this weekend for myself for a few hours alone. If you feel like you need that too we can plan something to switch off.”

Moms Need A Dang Break so…Set the Boundary with Your Kids

Kids learn through our examples. When you set boundaries to take care of yourself you are teaching them how to do this. It’s a vital skill that so many of us never learned [*cough* until grad school *cough* oh, just me?]

This might look like scheduling a daily quiet time with the kids, regardless of their age. It’s good for everyone!

It might be turning one of my faves of Cosmic Kids Yoga on YouTube to settle them down while you go and do something for yourself.

Or it might also be that you stop entertaining them for 15 minutes, let them be bored, and tell them to find something to do. Trust me on this. Boredom prompts us to get creative. We all need to feel that.

Moms Need A Dang Break so…Mom Guilt is a Choice

Yep, you heard me right. Unless you are doing something that actually causes harm you need to shut that down. Intensely loving your kids and wanting them to always feel loved does not mean you are expected to perform at high capacity 24/7 and meet every request.

There are times you aren’t available, times that you honestly just don’t feel like doing something, times that you tried your best and it just didn’t work out. All of those are ok and does NOT mean you are failing.

It’s true, your kids might feel let down. But there is teaching in that manage those emotions and connect with each other through them. And I promise, that is far more valuable.

Moms Need A Dang Break so… Be Vulnerable

Listen, Brene Brown said it best. “Vulnerability begets vulnerability.” (I think it was Brene that said that?)

Either way, it’s true. Be honest with yourself, your spouse, your family, and especially your mom friends!

There is something truly magical that happens when moms/women share their honest experiences with each other. It gives everyone permission to bring their walls down and say, “Ya, that’s me too. You want to hear what I did last week?!” Because MOMS NEED A BREAK and you are NOT alone in feeling all of the struggles of motherhood.

Afterall, raising these kids up is the most important and vulnerable experience that triggers every emotion you can think of. Stop expecting yourself to carry that by yourself.

Moms Need A Dang Break so… let’s talk self-care

Lets first clear up what self-care is. Because it’s not bubble baths, pedicures, and eating cookies. I mean, it can be… but if that’s you’re definition then that might also be why you’re fizzing out.

Self-care is often doing the hard work of setting boundaries, being vulnerable, advocating for our needs, and practicing mindfulness of our emotions and needs. The best forms of self-care often are the ones that make us feel great.

But want to know the pay off?

When you consistently practice all of the things listed above your are being proactive for the future version of you. It means you’re creating opportunities to decrease the things that are draining you and you’re shaping your behaviors and the people around you to support your needs.

Another great way to do that is by planning your week and your potential stressors ahead of time with your spouse/significant other. You can read more about that and find your FREE WEEKLY PLANNER here. It helps you plan for your week and strengthen your relationship at the same time.

And then, when you do get a chance for that bubble bath or pedicure you might actually get to enjoy it instead of feeling like you’re running on fumes. Also, if you need a great cookie recipe to enjoy for a treat I’ve got you covered HERE.

Now what are you waiting for? Go look for ways to implement this and let me know how it goes!

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