Lost In Parenting? Here are 2 Expert Tips to Help You Find Your Way!
If you search the internet for any kind of parenting help, you’ll find a million answers. There are lots of them but at the end of the day I’ve realized that it boils down to two things that are my top 2 parenting tips.
Let’s be real, parenting is the hardest job out there. Hard. Stop.
You can’t convince me otherwise. There is no greater honor and challenge than raising up another human being with the hopes that they are going to be kind and loving and all of the things when you send them out on their own.
We want the absolute best for them, so why is it so hard to parent?
As a mom of 2 boys and a little girl and a family therapist I can tell you that the biggest barrier that gets in the way is our ability to regulate our emotions and our bodies.
This is difficult in any relationship dynamic, but when you are parenting and your child is overwhelmed and dysregulated AND you are dysregulated, things don’t usually turn out the way we hope.
It doesn’t help that there are so many tips and advice out there that it can feel overwhelming to know what exactly is correct so I’m going to simplify it for you with my top 2 parenting tips.
- Regulate Your Body and Emotions First
- Lead With Connection
Regulate Your Body and Emotions First
Here’s the thing, it feels impossible to help your child through their tantrum if you too feel like you’re going to lose your s*&$. No judgement, mama, you’re human.
You are absolutely allowed to feel all of those things and have your limit. But you are also the adult with a more developed brain and ability to self-regulate so you’ve gotta be willing to get yourself taken care of first.
What does that look like?
First, stop judging yourself and be kind. You’re a great mama and I know that because you’re still here reading my top 2 parenting tips. Next, it might look like deep breaths…squeezing and tightening your muscles to relieve the tension, setting your kids up to do something safe (might be a great time for a movie) while you head to your closet to cry and let it out.
It might look like trading off with your significant other to go for a walk, putting in some noise cancelling/reducing earplugs, grabbing an ice pack and putting it on your chest (check with a doctor first if you have a heart condition), or sometimes it’s as simple as getting a drink of water so that it forces you to breathe slower.
If possible, invite your kids to join you. It’s a great way to lead by example or even just letting them see you taking care of you. But if not, or if you just need to do this on your own, thats ok too.
But when you come out of that your are going to be far more capable of tolerating your child’s tantrums and needs so you can respond the way you need to.
***I always recommend communicating what you need so everyone stays connected and no one feels abandoned.
Ex. “I’m feeling really overwhelmed. I need you to watch your show for 15 minutes so I can go upstairs and get control of my body, emotions, and choices. I will be right back to you and we will check in.”
Lead With Connection
This one is so important that I wanted it to be number 1 in my top 2 parenting tips but realistically, you need to be regulated to really take advantage of this.
This probably sounds really vague and simultaneously obvious, but it’s a lot easier said than done. There is actual neuroscience that supports just how important connection is and you can read about it in my favorite book recommendation, The Whole Brain Child, from Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne.
When I work with moms I often hear how they feel like they’re floundering around trying to figure out if they’re “doing things right.” I get it, I’ve felt it myself.
Here is a great way to implement leading with connection into your parenting. Ask yourself these questions in your parenting decisions.
“How will (XYZ) strengthen our family bond and build connection?”
“How will it help me know my child better?”
“What will this teach them and will it make them feel safe and secure?”
These questions have drastically changed our parenting and here’s why.
What is right for my family may not be right for yours. But what is right for my family may strengthen our connections, and it might not be the same for yours.
So pursue what brings your family more connection through your parenting and don’t worry if it fits others.
When you are feeling lost on what to do in parenting there may not be a map, but lead with connection and things will fall into place as you meet your kids where they are at and as you make them feel known, safe, and secure.
Did you find this helpful? Let me know in the comments if you found this helpful and dop your questions.
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