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It’s the most wonderful time of the year (and Holiday Boundaries are here)!

Gosh, I LOOOOOVE the holidays. They are my absolute favorite and they certainly hit different now that I’m a mom. There is so much more meaning and incredible experiences, but if I’m being totally honest (which I always am with you guys), I also feel A LOT of pressure to do all of the things.

And since I know I’m not alone in this, I’ve put together a list of the 5 steps to setting holiday boundaries and how to say “No.”

Which by the way. Let’s just pause for a moment and really take this in.

“No” is a complete sentence.

You don’t owe an explanation to anyone except your husband and kids so that they can be on your team with you. And I promise, when you can plan ahead for this you’ll likely be able to enjoy the holidays more.

Pro Tips:

Like most things you’ll find here, I’m going to point out that this exercise is an opportunity for connection with your spouse and your kids. You have a chance to really hear what is meaningful to each other and then try to find the middle path where everyone can feel like they can enjoy the holidays.

So don’t do this exercise by yourself.

Couples that talk about traditions and “Rituals of Connection” as Dr. John Gottman calls it, have greater opportunities to support each other. Talk about the stories and meaning behind your favorite traditions and be curious to learn about each other.

Second tip. Start this exercise ASAP. When you need to say “no” to people, like your in laws or overbearing family with no boundaries you NEED to be prepared and on the same page. Plus, when you practice this ahead of time you’re more likely to feel more confident in your choices.

Lastly, do NOT compare your plans to anyone else. It literally doesn’t matter what others are doing. The only thing that matters is that you feel like you can enjoy the season and you can’t do that if you’re burning yourself out trying to appease everyone else.

5 Key Steps To Setting Holiday Boundaries

  1. Reflect on Priorities:
    • Take a moment to reflect on your priorities for the holiday season. Identify the events or activities that align with your values, family traditions, and personal well-being. This self-reflection will serve as the foundation for setting meaningful boundaries.
  2. Communication is Key:
    • Communicate your boundaries clearly and assertively. Let friends and family know that you have certain limitations and commitments during the holiday season. Express your intentions with kindness but firmness, making it clear that your decision is based on personal needs and priorities.
  3. Prioritize Self-Care:
    • Recognize the importance of self-care during the holidays. Setting boundaries is an act of self-love. Prioritize events that contribute positively to your well-being and mental health. This might mean declining some invitations in favor of rest, relaxation, or activities that bring you joy.
  4. Create a Realistic Schedule:
    • Evaluate your schedule realistically and allocate time for the events that matter most to you. Avoid overcommitting and spreading yourself too thin. Consider the logistics, such as travel time, and factor in downtime to recharge. A realistic schedule helps prevent burnout and allows you to fully enjoy the chosen events.
  5. Learn to Say No:
    • Embrace the power of saying “no.” Politely decline invitations that don’t align with your priorities or may lead to excessive stress. Remember that it’s okay to decline without providing detailed explanations. Saying no is not a rejection; it’s a conscious choice to protect your time and energy.

Bonus Tip: Offer Alternatives:

  • If you must decline an invitation, offer alternatives to show your commitment to maintaining connections. Suggest rescheduling for a quieter time or propose an alternative way of spending time together, such as a smaller gathering or a virtual celebration.

How To Say “No” to Plans to Create Holiday Boundaries

Setting boundaries can be empowering, especially during the holiday hustle. Don’t even get me started on all of the stories I’ve heard about family drama and unhealthy expectations. I know you might be getting pressure to show up everywhere but if it’s going to be more taxing on your family it is absolutely ok to decline.

Boundaries are not meant to make other people happy. They are meant to communicate how you expect to be treated and what you need.

So here we go. These are some of my favorite ways to decline holiday (or any) invitations. While some do provide an explanation, remember – You are not obligated to explain. Take what you need and feel free to save and share this list!

And just for fun, I’ve categorized them! 🙂

  1. Classic Approach:
    • “I appreciate the invite, but I won’t be able to make it this time. Thanks for understanding!”
    • “Thank you so much for the invitation. That time is not available.”
  2. Assertive:
    • “No, we will not be able to attend.”
    • “We have discussed what will work best for our family and we will not be able to attend.”
  3. Busy Bee Excuse:
    • “My schedule is crazy with commitments, and I won’t be able to swing by. Let’s catch up soon, though!”
  4. Mindfulness:
    • “We’re focusing on creating a slow and mindful holiday season and will be limiting our attendance to events.”
    • “We really want to be able to do everything, and we are being mindful about knowing our limitations.”
  5. Prior Commitment:
    • “I’ve got a prior engagement that day. Thanks for thinking of me, though!”
  6. Honesty is Key:
    • “I’m in need of some recharge time, so I’ll be skipping this one. Hope you have a blast!”
  7. Introvert Mode:
    • “I’m in desperate need of some introvert time, so I’ll have to pass this time. Let’s plan something for the future!”
    • “We will be spending the evening at home that night but thank you for thinking of us.”
  8. Rain Check:
    • “I’m going to rain check on the holiday event this year. Let’s plan something in the new year!”
  9. Family First:
    • “I’ve got some family commitments that day. Wishing you a fantastic event!”
    • “I’ve got some family traditions to uphold, but I appreciate your understanding. Have a fantastic time!”
  10. Health Card:
    • “My healthy hasn’t been the best, so I’m taking it easy. Thanks for understanding!”
  11. Workload Woes:
    • “Workload’s piling up, and I need to tackle it head-on. Have a wonderful time, though!”
  12. Personal Rejuvenation:
    • “I’ve planned a self-care day for myself, so I’ll be taking it easy. Catch you on the flip side!”
  13. Home Sweet Home:
    • “I’ve got a cozy night in planned. Enjoy the festivities, and we’ll catch up soon!”
  14. Not Feeling the Jingle:
    • “I’m not really in the holiday mood this year, so I’ll be taking a rain check. Hope you understand!”
  15. Budget-Friendly Decline:
    • “I’m on a budget this month, so I’ll be skipping the event. Let’s catch up when things ease up!”
  16. Project Deadline:
    • “I’ve got a project with a tight deadline. I’ll be tied up, but let’s plan something for after the holiday rush!”
  17. Hibernation Mode:
    • “I’m officially in hibernation mode this holiday season. Catch you on the other side of the festivities!”

And if you do feel like you’re burning out, check out this post for some tangible coping skills to help you ride that wave. <3

Was this post helpful? Don’t forget to save it for later so you can come back to it.

And while you’re at, come hang out with me over on Instagram if you aren’t already at @workinhardasamother

Christmas lights and tree branch, title of Steps to Setting Holiday Boundaries, and how to say, "No"
Thanksgiving dinner, hands at the table, title of Steps to Setting Holiday Boundaries, and how to say, "No"